Fling with a colleague was really a cry for attention from husband

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex with a colleague because I felt neglected by my husband.

I was craving attention and it was wonderful to feel wanted, but now my husband tracks my every movement and reads all my phone messages.

I am 29 and he is 32. We met four years ago and were inseparable. Our high sex drives matched too.

Everything was perfect until his libido went downhill during our first year together.

He would say he was too tired or stressed and would often turn me down. I blamed myself and it badly knocked my confidence.

Still, I got pregnant and we got married two years ago. Shortly after that, sex stopped completely — by his choice.

His work took up 12 hours a day, six days a week. I suffered postnatal depression, partly as I felt so alone and unsupported.

I went back to work six months after having our son, which helped my morale, and I found I had a real emotional connection with a new colleague who made me feel like the old me.

He’s 33. He asked me to go for a drink and then showered me with compliments, saying he fancied me.

I never thought anyone would say that to me again.

I went back to his place afterwards and enjoyed every minute of the sex, even though it was wrong.

Stupidly, I left my phone on the kitchen table the next week and my husband saw a message from this colleague. He went ballistic.

We’ve stayed together but he’s punished me ever since. I have ended all contact with my colleague but nothing has changed between me and my husband. There is still no sex and no support with my son.

I am not sure I even love him these days. I stay only because of the mortgage and our family, plus I don’t want to be to blame for a failed marriage.

Get in touch with Deidre today

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Send an email to [email protected]

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DEIDRE SAYS: You are shouldering all the blame but there are two of you in your marriage and some of the responsibility lies with your husband.

Cheating was wrong but you were vulnerable to someone showing interest in you given your husband’s rejection and coldness.

Tell your husband how unhappy you are and how unhappy he seems. This cold stalemate is miserable for everyone and damaging for your son.


THOUSANDS of people are searching for a lost member of their family at any one time.

My leaflet Tracing Someone explains the most successful methods and sources of support.

Private message me on my Dear Deidre Facebook page for help and support.

Talk to your husband about how family life was when he was a young boy. Is he reproducing the cold family atmosphere of his childhood?

It might not just be coincidence that your sex life went downhill once you were a settled couple.

Couple’s counselling could help you both find a more constructive approach to fixing your relationship and moving on, which would be best for your son.

You can find out more about counselling at relate.org.uk and tavistockrelationships.org.

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