Just when you thought the pandemic had stopped kicking at the shins of Dancing with the Stars, then comes news that — argh! — it’s not over yet. Poor Artem Chigvintsev has Covid! Now his Bachelorette partner Charity Lawson has to dance with Ezra Sosa, a lucky member of the background troupe who now gets his 15 minutes under the mirror ball. It shouldn’t hurt Lawson’s standing; she was the only quasi-ringer to emerge from the premiere night performances.
Notice how I said quasi. That’s right, DWTS watchers: unlike previous seasons, this batch of hoofers didn’t come armed with a decade of dance lessons or a previous life as a TikTok dance star. This season is chock full of straight-up amateurs, people! Finally, some perfectly passable dancing that makes us all warm and fuzzy about the golden days of DWTS.
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Enough with the reminiscing. Bring on Latin night!
Real estate mogul Mauricio Umansky with partner Emma Slater. It’s no fun being one of the two bottom couples on premiere night. It got him really down, especially with “everything going on at home.” (Things are reportedly on the rocks with wife Kyle Richards). His salsa started out great with a terrific opening lift — Slater’s legs were twisted around his neck! — but he forgot the steps halfway and it was all downhill from there. “I feel you, it happens to everyone on stage, one night where it goes wrong,” said judge Bruno Tonioli. “Forget about it. Next performance, you start from scratch.” Score: 12 out of 30
Reality TV star Harry Jowsey (Too Hot to Handle) with partner Rylee Arnold. Jowsey said he grew up in Australia, so that’s his excuse for not knowing how to effectively executive the salsa. He sure can lift that lil’ button of a partner over his shoulders, though! Otherwise, Jowsey mostly just stood there and pumped his hips while blondie did all the work. “I have to say, you actually put the effort in. there were many more steps, not always on time,” said Tonioli. “I could see the effort. I could see you moving forward.” Score: 15 out of 30
Actor Barry Williams (The Brady Bunch) with partner Peta Murgatroyd. Celebrating his 69th birthday, Williams was a gas to watch as he literally humped his way through the cha cha. Granted, he almost dropped Murgatroyd at the end of the number, but he also managed to lift his leg high enough so she could pass underneath it, so everything worked out in the end. “You have a natural easy confidence thats works really well in this competition,” said judge Carrie Ann Inaba. “I don’t know if it was as good as the last one. The top half and the bottom half weren’t completely in sync.” Score: 15 out of 30
NFL All-Star Adrian Peterson with partner Britt Stewart. The footballer got to show off his newborn at rehearsal before performing an off-the-beat samba in hot pink pants. “Samba is the hardest dance to learn on this show,” said judge Derek Hough. “It was still blocky, there’s definitely some work to be done. Side by side, when you got freed up, I was like, okay!” “What is missing is the refinement,” added Inaba. Score: 15 out of 30
Actress Jamie Lynn Spears with partner Alan Bersten. The pro began rehearsal by telling Spears she doesn’t understand how good she is, while she feels like she has to channel Penelope Cruz to perform her best cha cha. Cruz was nowhere to be found on the dance floor, but Spears did touch her toes and wag her finger! “We lost a step in the middle just a little bit. What was missing for me a little more of a elongation of your torso,” said Inaba. Added Hough, “There was a little timing issue there. That for me was a big improvement from last week.” Score: 16 out of 30
Actress Mira Sorvino with partner Gleb Savchenko. Sorvino once took samba lessons from a gal in New York City, so she hoped to make her proud during her second outing in the ballroom. And for the most part, she did — though she needs to stop looking so anxious when she’s tripping the light fantastic. “You’re definitely have the body for the salsa,” said Tonioli. “When you are on it, you can be so good. Turn on the spice, honey!” Score: 18 out of 30
Supermodel Tyson Beckford with partner Jenna Johnson. Still smarting from languishing at the bottom of last week’s leaderboard, Beckford tried to step it up this week by playing faux bongos on his partner’s behind before lifting her four times — no, five! — during and after their zesty salsa. “Tyson, where were you hiding?” said Tonioli. “Now I can see you. You worked very, very hard and you got results. You were on time, you did the steps, you were actually projecting a performance, and you looked great.” Score: 18 out of 30
Actress Alyson Hannigan (American Pie) with partner Sasha Farber. The whole idea of performing a “sexy” tango hit Hannigan like a lead balloon. But she got the memo; though her stern face made her kinda funny to look at, she showed the anger and executed those ochos. But was she sexy? Sure, why not. “That was a woman empowered,” said Inaba. “What Im asking for is for you to be fully in your body. That was sensuality.” “Girl, I am so proud of you!” added Hough. Score: 19 out of 30
Ariana Madix (Vanderpump Rules) with partner Pasha Pashkov. The reality star went into rehearsals hoping for an 8 this week. She was in good hands with Pashkov, who slowed down the samba just enough so she could deftly show off her steamy moves. “Out of the gate, very impressed with that samba roll,” said Hough. “Well done. You are a natural performer.” “It was so sexy,” added Tonioli. “You worked it from every angle.” Score: 20 out of 30
Social media star/Latin music artist Lele Pons with partner Brandon Armstrong. Pons feels like she’s got a leg up for Latin night; she’s Venezuelan, after all, and certainly knows how to “bring the party,” as her partner reminds her. He was right: her Samba to “Gasolina,” not to mention those fringe pants, opened the show. “The flare was there, great way to start off Latin night,” said Hough. “You were running on rocket fuel tonight!” added Tonioli. Score: 21 out of 30
Charity Lawson (The Bachelorette) with partner Ezra Sosa. The Bachelorette got to briefly practice her cha cha with Chigvintsev before he had to go into quarantine after contracting the grunge. She didn’t miss a beat on the dance floor, though she spent a little too much time looking at the floor. “You were very elegant and tight, almost too tight, borderline stiff,” said Inaba. “I saw bits of uncertainty, but what can I say? Bravo.” Score: 21 out of 30
Actress Xochitl Gomez (Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness) with partner Val Chmerkovskiy. Lucky girl got to perform her salsa in Converses, which made her both comfortable and eminently watchable. “Salsa is your superpower my friend,” said Inaba. “There was a flash of Rita Moreno in there. Not only did you give it style and sophistication, you gave it storytelling.” Score: 24 out of 30
Singer-songwriter Jason Mraz with partner Daniella Karagach. Mraz got to perform last. It was a rumba worth waiting for; with his hair slicked back and his pants high waisted, he slid across the floor while giving good “oooo” face. (You’ve got to see it to truly appreciate it). It earned him a standing O from the audience! “Those hips. You were like like two cobra snakes in the tropical midnight (at least I think that’s what he said),” said Tonioli. “You were having the right motion.” Score: 24 out of 30
Bottom two couples were Peterson/Stewart and Spears/Bersten.
Spears was sent home. “There was a lot of great parts, meeting everybody,” she said when Ribeiro asked what she would miss. Hey, Spears, wasn’t a woman of words in the end.
Next week is Motown Night.
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