THE WORLD can be a frightening place – just thinking about the war in Ukraine or the rising cost of living can send most of us into a tailspin. 

Add in the worry of your kids’ futures (what kind of planet are they going to inherit?) and it’s enough to make you want to crawl into bed and wait for the apocalypse to just be over already! 

Thank goodness, then, for psychotherapist, author and mum-of-three Anna Mathur, who’s back with a new guide – The Little Book Of Calm For New Mums – to help tackle the dizzying ups and downs of parenting.

Here are her tips and tricks for raising your children when the future seems so uncertain.

Be age-appropriate

“Our children have been born into an imperfect world where bad and sad things happen all the time. We cannot protect them from this, as much as we might love to, but we can help them feel safe and understood,” Anna tells Fabulous.

Shielding them from every news story isn’t going to work.

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Instead, Anna advises: “Giving them top-line information about current news stories that may impact them or come up in conversation can be really helpful. Invite them to ask questions or share their thoughts with you.”

Crucially, if they are interested in the news, Anna says to find appropriate outlets for their age range.

Try CBBC’s Newsround, TIME For Kids and But Why: A Podcast For Curious Kids, which answers everything from “why is Russia invading Ukraine?” to “what’s the cleverest thing a hippo can do?”

“How much you share with them, and what you choose to show them, should take age, resilience and emotional understanding and awareness into consideration,” adds Anna.

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So, while one child may need to be reassured that Ukraine is a long way away, another might be keen to know exactly where it is and what’s happening. 

Talk it out

It’s not just their worries that matter and need to be heard, but yours, too.

“Often, the fear is that children will sense your own anxiety. It is good for them to know you’re human, and it’s natural to have an emotional response to what is going on around you,” says Anna.

That said, getting fears off your chest by chatting them through with mates or your partner first will put you in a better position to support your little one. 

“This can be so helpful to allow us to be the reassuring presence our children need, while also giving us valuable and important space to feel heard,” says Anna. 

“What goes in, must come out! If you’ve absorbed your child’s emotions while helping them face up to challenging feelings, seek someone to validate and ground yours. It’s simple science really.”

Don’t catastrophise

The second you have a baby, catastrophising becomes the norm, but there has to be a limit, otherwise you’d never leave the house.

Anna has a nifty phrase she used throughout the pandemic to help minimise panicky thoughts: “I will cross that bridge if I get to it.”

She says: “It’s a reminder that we are often able to address things as they arise, but expending headspace and energy ruminating over scenarios when they are not happening leads to feelings of hopelessness, fear and anxiety.”

Use your worry for good

Believe it or not, worry isn’t all bad – it can motivate you to support others.

Anna says: “We might petition for local or government change, engage in a community action group, step up our household recycling or assess energy usage.”

It doesn’t mean you have to bring about world peace single-handedly, though. “We can only do so much. 

When worry moves into anxiety, it becomes less productive,” says Anna.

Overloaded with anxious thoughts? See your GP or find a therapist near you via Counselling-directory.org.uk.

In the meantime, listen to Self Care Club – the podcast’s hosts put self-care tactics to the test and share what they’ve learned.

And prioritise a moment for yourself to ward off stress. “Embrace small and large opportunities to rest. Know that, in giving to yourself, you’re able to parent in a way you’re more likely to feel proud of,” says Anna. 

Stay grounded 

From reports of school shootings to communities facing wildfires, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed, but Anna has a trick for not getting too involved emotionally.

“Don’t write yourself into someone else’s story,” she explains. 

“Empathy allows us to engage with what is going on and imagine what it might be like to be in that situation. This motivates us to help in whatever way we can.

"However, when we completely write ourselves into someone else’s story and imagine in detail how it may feel, we move from concern and empathy into anxiety and fear.

"When you find yourself doing this, remember it is not happening to you and that you are more able to process emotions and news when you aren’t embodying it.

“Use the 5,4,3,2,1 grounding technique and notice five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste, to re-anchor you in the present,” recommends Anna.

You’ll feel calmer and better able to handle your kids’ emotions. 

Find the joy

Whether you’re in the sleepless teething stage or preparing for your eldest to move out, Anna says: “Look for the small things that bring you joy or feel like a privilege.

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"Gratitude introduces more pleasing emotions into times of uncertainty, challenge and heartbreak.

"It’s not about overruling or devaluing feelings of grief, fear or pain, but about bringing some other emotions alongside those feelings. We can feel grief and gratitude. Fear and love.” 

Are you in over your head?

You might think you’re doing a great job pushing world events to the back of your mind on the school run, but don’t be so sure.

With all that whirring away in your brain, it’s likely to affect your parenting, whether you realise it or not.

And as we all know, kids aren’t completely oblivious!

Here are four key feelings that could signal it’s time to put Anna’s tips into action.

Distraction

“You feel distracted from your children by the emotions you’re feeling. It’s hard not to ruminate, scroll through bad stuff online and feel a sense of disconnection from your immediate environment.”

Anxiety and fear

“You find it difficult to field questions from your children that may provoke anxiety, or you struggle to reassure them because you don’t feel reassured yourself.”

Numbness

“You turn to numbing or avoidant behaviours (bingeing TV/food/wine) to help with difficult emotions, meaning you’re less present with your children.”

Exhaustion and overwhelm

“Your sleep may be impacted by how you’re processing news, so you feel less able to face the challenges of parenting.”

• The Little Book Of Calm For New Mums by Anna Mathur (£12.99,  Penguin Life) is out now.

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