FROM bouncing on a medicine ball to kick-start labour to the tetanus-inducing acoustics of soft play, the journey of motherhood can be quite the ride.
And comedian Sophie McCartney, who has son Jack and daughter Evelyn with husband Steven Lilley, has now offered a very candid glimpse into her own experiences of the highs and lows of becoming a mum.
In new novel, Tired and Tested: The Wild Ride into Parenthood, Sophie, who shot to fame in 2017 thanks to her mum parody of Ed Sheeran's Shape of You, recalls the unwanted comments she received from nosy strangers when she was overdue.
"Everyone, so it would seem, is an expert on how to get that baby out, and they are not beating around your bush," she writes.
READ MORE ON PARENTING
I’m a parenting expert, there’s a reason kids tantrum & a routine to stop it
Mum-of-22 Sue Radford raids Sainsbury’s for Disney haul ahead of Florida holiday
‘What about going for a hike?’ Getting up just to go for a wee/trip to the fridge every five minutes was hard enough – I looked as though I was an extra in The Walking Dead."
The mum-of-two, who has won a legion of fans thanks to her down-to-earth parenting approach, goes on to note how people seem to lose all sense of boundaries around heavily pregnant women.
FABULOUS BINGO: GET A £5 FREE BONUS WITH NO DEPOSIT REQUIRED
She pens: "Random folk in supermarkets would say ‘what about a little bit of …’ then make an inappropriate whistling noise". "What? Calling a cat in at night? Nope. Sex. It’s a bit forward, isn’t it?"
"I’m also dubious about the science behind it, because if I was a small defenceless child and could see a one-eyed viper striking at me from the only exit point then I’d bloody well stay put too."
Most read in Fabulous
AIR THIS I refused to fart in front of my boyfriend and ended up in hospital having surgery
Meg & Harry 'to attend Brooklyn Beckham's wedding' after snubbing Philip service
I work at New Look – here's a gross reason why we hate the changing rooms
9 baby names you think are cute but have a TOTAL other meaning outside the UK
And of course, there's a whole host of other old wives' tale she tested out, but to no avail.
"I spent days on a Swiss Ball, pounding the ground like Tigger on speed, and the only thing that came out of me was a bit of wee," she writes.
"Then people said pineapple, which is my preferred fruit in a pina colada or on a pizza…but apparently it’s the woody bit in the middle that needs to be gobbled down.
If I was a small defenceless child and could see a one-eyed viper striking at me from the only exit point then I’d bloody well stay put too
"Honestly, these old wives – monsters, every single one of them."
And Sophie also discusses soft play centres – places which she jokes are much like paying your taxes – "painful, and unavoidable."
She writes: "While you’re chinwagging and sporadically flinching, the kids will have given you the slip – prompting your heart to drop through
your stomach because… you’ll have to f**king go in after them! WHY, GOD? WHY?
"To make the situation better, of course, you’re not wearing socks.
"Praying the brown sticky thing attached to a heel is in fact a raisin, you find them…in the b****** ball pit, being assaulted by a 12-year-old with a mullet and an overarm bowl that would put Freddie Flintoff to shame".
It’s the ultimate test of how much you love your child – leave them to lose an eye, or get on in there and risk tetanus?
She jokes that parents are then faced with the ultimate test of how much they love their child and must decide whether they should leave their child to lose an eye, or get in there and risk tetanus.
Opting for the latter, Sophie continues: "Diving in like David Hasselhoff, it’s the proudest moment of your parenting career until…you start to slowly drown…sinking down towards the faeces, crumbs and discarded plasters."
Read More on The Sun
Chris Rock ‘STOPPED police arresting Will Smith’ after Oscars slap
Dramatic moment ‘Ukraine attack choppers blast oil depot’ INSIDE Russia
"This is the end. You don’t have the core strength to get yourself out of it.
"What a bl***y way to go. Then all of a sudden, a hand has fished you out and you’re alive!"
Source: Read Full Article