ANDREW PIERCE: Novelist Jeffrey Archer fends off woke censors as he praises Queen Consort Camilla’s ‘common sense’ intervention in the row over sensitivity readers re-writing Roald Dahl’s books

Jeffrey Archer has sold 320 million books worldwide. But such triumphs mean nothing to the woke pygmies of the publishing world who have tried — as they did with Roald Dahl — to censor Archer to satisfy modern sensitivities.

Notoriously, Dahl’s publisher, Puffin, has recently been accused of ruining masterpieces such as Matilda and The Twits by cutting words such as ‘fat’ and ‘ugly’, which might trigger snowflakes.

Archer praised the ‘common sense’ intervention last week of the Queen Consort in the Dahl row and added: ‘I worked with Roald Dahl on Tales Of The Unexpected [the 1980s TV series]. He would be appalled,’ by his words being changed.

Quite right. It was reported yesterday that Dahl once warned his publishers that if they changed ‘a single comma’ in his books, he would send the ‘enormous crocodile’ to gobble them up.

Archer also reveals that publishers of his classic novel Kane And Abel have asked him to consider changing old-fashioned words such as ‘ladies’. He said: ‘They admitted to me that, although 100 million people have read it throughout the world, there has not been one single complaint. I said: “Let’s leave it as it is.” ’

Jeffrey Archer has sold 320 million books worldwide. But such triumphs mean nothing to the woke pygmies of the publishing world who have tried — as they did with Roald Dahl — to censor Archer to satisfy modern sensitivities, writes Andrew Pierce 

In his forthcoming book, Traitors Gate, editors suggested he change ‘West Indian lady’ to ‘Caribbean woman’. The author robustly told them: ‘As it’s set in 2002, I think I’ll stick with “West Indian lady”.

‘When I was at Oxford, the captain of the Cambridge team was also captain of the West Indian team. I don’t remember him saying: “I’m captain of the Caribbean team.” We have rightly decided we will leave it as it is.’

Archer, who was talking to me on GB News, added self-effacingly: ‘But I am 82, boring and out of touch, so it’s possible I’ve got it all wrong.’

Sir Bernard Ingham once had to reassure Mrs Thatcher that he had not had a sex change. The claim was made in a letter that alleged the Prime Minister’s chief press secretary, who died last week, was born ‘Elsie Ackroyd’ and had transitioned while living in Yorkshire. It claimed: ‘Mrs Ackroyd was well-known for the sharpness of her tongue and the quality of her rock cakes.’ Sir Bernard revealed in 2017: ‘I swore before the PM that I had never made a rock cake in my life.’ He will be much missed. 

Emily Thornberry once again shows some questionable attitudes towards the hoi polloi. On canvassing in her North London constituency, she reveals: ‘I like not knowing who’s going to answer, what their attitude is going to be, what smells will come out of the door.’ 

Famously, Thornberry was forced to resign from the Shadow Cabinet in 2014 after she posted a sneering tweet about a house in Rochester, Kent, decked out in St George flags. 

Cheap gag of the week: Referencing the lettuce that outlasted the previous PM, while noting current shortages in shops, Labour’s Margaret Hodge quips: ‘At least when Liz Truss was PM, there were fresh vegetables to measure her time in office.’ 

Referencing the lettuce that outlasted the previous PM, while noting current shortages in shops, Labour’s Margaret Hodge quips: ‘At least when Liz Truss was PM, there were fresh vegetables to measure her time in office.’ [File image] 

Veteran broadcaster Jon Snow, always regarded as a bit of a Lefty, reveals a surprising admiration for Margaret Thatcher

Veteran broadcaster Jon Snow, always regarded as a bit of a Lefty, reveals a surprising admiration for Margaret Thatcher. ‘She was joy. She was a gift. She was a sparring partner and a flirt. It would be too strong to say there was something sexual in it . . .’ says Snow, in an interview with (who else?) the Guardian to promote his new memoir, Shooting History.

‘It was everything from a primary school teacher, to nanny to semi-royalty, you were never quite clear where you were. Everybody talks about Maggie Thatcher as being a rigid thing. She wasn’t.’

Yet again, the mesmerising Mrs T confounded her critics.

Cummings and goings are a hoot  

Rave reviews for DOM: The Play at The Other Palace theatre, covering Boris Johnson’s tumultuous relationship with his bullish former adviser Dominic Cummings (pictured) 

Rave reviews for DOM: The Play at The Other Palace theatre, covering Boris Johnson’s tumultuous relationship with his bullish former adviser Dominic Cummings. It was written by theatre critic Lloyd Evans and includes brilliant gags, some submitted by comedians. 

On Deputy Labour Leader Angela Rayner: ‘She looks like a knife-thrower’s assistant.’ And on Jo Swinson, the Lib Dem leader who lost her seat in the 2019 General Election: ‘Once our “prime minister-in-waiting”: now our prime minister- in-waitressing.’ 

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