I think my wife's gaslighting me – she shouts at me and calls me crazy

DEAR DEIDRE: I SERIOUSLY believe my wife is gaslighting me. She left me to go back to her mother’s, telling me I was crazy and I was the one needing therapy.

I’m a man of 40 and my wife is 37. I thought things were fine.


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She seems to have changed since getting a new job. She doesn’t seem interested in me any longer.

I told her I’d booked us both a meal to go out for our birthdays and she said: “You must be joking. Why would I want an evening with you?”

I asked her whether she had somebody else and she yelled: “You’re paranoid.” She packed a bag and left me.

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She came back last week to get some more things and I tried to talk to her but she said: “You’re mental.”

I don’t know what I’m supposed to have done.

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DEIDRE SAYS: She has had a real shift in her attitude to you and yes, this is a form of gaslighting as you are now questioning your own integrity.

Meet your wife and insist she explains what has gone wrong in your relationship.

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If you can pull it back and make some changes, then it’s a start.

But you can both find counselling and a safe environment to talk via tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975).

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