If a long term relationship ends, saying goodbye to their family can be just as painful as the breakup itself.

It’s why some people stay in touch with their ex’s family. But going to their ex’s family gatherings? That may be a step too far.

On Reddit, a mum has shared her frustration with her son’s new wife, who is upset because she keeps inviting the son’s ex-girlfriend to all family events.

Why? Because she sees her as her daughter, and says the ex-girlfriend has been ‘in the family’ for longer than the wife has.

The mum wrote: ‘My son was dating Sabrina. They started in high school and broke up when they were in college. It was a long relationship and I became really close to her. She is in my eyes our daughter.

‘Her family are awful people and she sees us as her parental figures. She even is planning to have my husband walk her down the aisle when she gets married.

‘Now when they broke up, relationship just died, we didn’t drop her since she is our kid at this point. My son wasn’t happy but moved on, so she gets invited to family events and has for years.

‘My son, now 27, is married to Bethany and she is a nice person. We never clicked, we don’t have much in common and they live two hours away, so it’s hard to plan stuff to get to know her more. Really, I’m sure it will grow in time.

‘Now we had a picnic and all the family members were invited. So Sabrina was there as normal and I thought the night was nice.

‘Bethany come up to me at the end of the night and expressed that she is uncomfortable with her husband’s ex being everywhere and if I couldn’t invite her for family stuff.

‘I told her no and that Sabrina is part of the family and has been part of the family longer than she has. If there is an actually valid reason, like her being rude, then I would consider it, but she has done nothing.

‘She left and my son has called me and called me an a**hole for picking her over my now real family. My husband thinks she is crazy but I know we can be bias.’

The mum added: ‘Sabrina may not be my kid by blood but she is my daughter and has been for about 10 years. Also Sabrina is engaged so noooooo she doesn’t want to get back with my son, and I don’t want them to either.

‘Yes I have invited Bethany to do stuff with me, it’s always been a no. I won’t disown Sabrina by disinviting her to family events, because that is actually I will be saying.

‘I will be saying I don’t see her as family if I disinvite her to family events she has gone to for about 10 years. This is asking me to chose between two children, I will not disown one.’

While some commenters could see both sides, the general consensus was that the mum was in the wrong.

One Redditer wrote: ‘She’s not your daughter, she’s your sons ex and it’s weird as hell to keep inviting her to family events when your son has moved on and married.

‘It was extra rude to be so dismissive and nasty to Bethany when she was trying to open up about how uncomfortable she is. If you want to be friends with his ex, then do it when they’re not around.’

Another said: ‘You’ve spent the past five plus years making sure that your son knows you value this relationship with his ex more than his comfort and now you’re making his wife know it too.

‘I’m glad she sees you as parental figures since you’re going to destroy your actual relationship with your kid over this.’

But one comment, which received a whopping 19,000 upvotes, could see both sides of the situation. The commenter said: ‘You think of Sabrina as your own child.

‘She is invited to things because you became her surrogate family. Bethany is not an a**hole for being upset that someone her husband once loved is invited to all your family events.

‘I would also be upset if my husband’s ex was accepted into his family while I am still struggling to feel like part of the family.’

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