My fiancé refuses to pool our finances once we are married and have kids: Am I wrong to feel ripped off?

• Young woman feels ripped off by partner’s money decision
• He doesn’t want to pool finances once married

A young woman has been urged to ‘dump her fiancé’ after revealing he refuses to share finances once they have tied the knot despite earning four times her wage.

The bride-to-be said she had the post-marital money talk with her high-earner partner and was shocked when he told her their accounts would remain separate.

She explained she is on a good income of about $80,000AUD a year – but he makes over $320,000AUD a year.

‘He said our finances would not be combined and that he needs to keep surplus money for savings,’ she wrote on Mumsnet.

‘I know I’m not entitled to his money but I can’t help but feel I’d be putting myself in a vulnerable position.’  

Woman feels insecure in relationship after learning her fiancé will never pool finances

She pushed on with the conversation and he revealed he planned to keep their finances that way, even once she heads on maternity leave and they have children.

‘He said he would set up a joint account that he would put amounts in.’

‘I feel like I would be the person ultimately losing out, particularly if I have a period of time out of work whilst he controls the money and dishes it out to me when he sees fit.’

People were quick to comment and said it is great she knows what the set up will be before committing to him and having children.

‘A joint account is a good idea. And naturally you will return to work post May leave in the future to maintain your financial independence,’ one woman said.

But others were way more skeptical.

‘Don’t marry him. That is not what marriage is,’ one woman said.

‘You’ll get all sorts of responses here but if you’re married you’re one unit. My DH earns 4x me tops up my ISAs and pension contributions every year so we have the same amount of savings. We have one joint account and both our incomes go in it. End of of story,’ said another.

‘I cannot understand why anyone would get married and expect their spouse to have a lower standard of living to them, simply due to their earnings,’ slammed a third. 

Others asked ‘what’s the point of personal savings’.

‘We each get some money that we can do what we want with or buy gifts with – but the rest is joint spendings and savings. I would want to know whay he needs to save all that cash.’

Others said the money chat has to go much further.

‘I’d be asking other questions how are childcare payments eg nursery going to work when both of you are working again, will they be split according to income? (It shouldn’t fall on just you).’ 

‘You need to understand the cost to your career and future being tied to this man will cause,’ said another.       

Others said there was nothing wrong with the man’s proposed arrangement. 

People said the woman needs to be careful going forward and have discussions about childcare and other kid related costs now

‘Separate finances is far more common than MumsNet would have you believe,’ one woman said.

‘A joint account that each party pays into based on their earnings, to use to pay mortgage, bills and essentials, seems to me to be far more sensible than fully combining finances.

‘It’s very important to me (and my OH, and everyone I know) to have my own money. You also avoid arguments about money, because once living costs are paid, you’re both free to spend your money as you please,’ she continued.

It is not the first time someone has taken to MumsNet about sharing finances.

One woman complained she earns four times her partner’s salary and having to pay for everything was giving her ‘the ick’.

She said she wanted to head toward splitting things 5050 but was struggling to bridge the gap.

People also told her to end the relationship as her partner was using her. While some told her not to look down at her partner for earning less. 

According to a study done in the 1970s ‘true love comes down to a shared bank account’.

The study found couples who have joint bank accounts are more likely to stay together because they don’t fall out about money as much, a study claims.

Researchers found that those who did not pool their earnings and kept their finances separate were at far greater risk of ruining their relationship in money rows – especially when times are hard.

Joint accounts have fallen out of favour in recent years. In the 1970s, roughly half of all married couples in the UK combined their incomes.

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