My lover wants to keep it casual, but he doesn't want me to date anyone else

DEAR DEIDRE: MY lover said he cannot offer me anything concrete when I asked him where our relationship was going.

I’ve explained I want to settle down. I have feelings for him and hate being so casual.


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We’ve known one another for four years and have been dating for two. I’m 36 and he’s 34.

We are just friends with benefits.

I told him I’m going to go on dates and want to find someone else.

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He begged me not to, but he also said he wants to stay friends with me even if I’m in a relationship – and that he’d still want sex.

He just wants to have his cake and eat it.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You’re right. While he can have sex with you, where is his motivation to change?

Tell him he has to show how much he values you, or you’ll move on.

But you need to be realistic, as he’s already told you he doesn’t want to commit. You may be best off stopping the sex and putting your energies into meeting someone else.

It’s time to focus on what you want now. My support pack When Your Man Won’t Commit will help.

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