Handing my mum a handwritten card last June, full of sentiment, memories and gratitude, she was confused and asked me what it was for.

I told her that she deserved to be celebrated on Father’s Day because she’s both my parents rolled into one. We shared a big hug as she teared up. 

For many, Father’s Day is, of course, a celebration of their dads – thanking them for bringing them up and giving them the life they enjoy. 

But for me, it’s just another opportunity to thank my mum Janet for bringing me up solo and shaping me into the woman I am. 

I grew up in a single-parent household. Splitting from my mum when I was just two years old, my biological dad walked out and has never made any attempt to contact me.  

I haven’t ever tried to reach out to my dad because I don’t feel the need to. I know he’s out there somewhere, I know what he does for a living and I know he’s got a son, my half brother, who I have never met. I have no recollection of my dad at all and I’m happy keeping it that way – my mum is all I need. 

My mum never hid the fact that I had a dad – she was so upfront about it that I never needed to ask any questions. I knew that she was the main person in my life and it’s been this way for almost 24 years.  

I was given my mum’s surname over my dad’s and his name doesn’t even appear on my birth certificate. When I was born, my parents were together, but as they were not married my mum wanted me to have her name. 

I don’t think about my dad at all, and I never wonder what life might have been like with him. 

Being raised solely by my mum was never a negative thing – the bond we have is unbreakable, the memories we have are special and the tough times we have been through have cemented our connection. 

The most difficult time was when we moved while I was in school. Due to me being bullied, my mum decided to relocate us. Even though it was a struggle sometimes, we always made the best out of a bad situation and had many laughs.  

She’s the person who cuddles me when I’m sad and does what she can in order to make things better. Emotionally supporting me through college and university and always giving me the best advice – she is my everything.  

When I was younger, a few of my friends also came from single-parent households, so there was a common ground and I never felt like the odd one out. 

But there were a fair few that came from big families with dads and brothers. I never longed for a dad, but I did envy the big, extravagant Christmasses they had.

In comparison, my Christmasses were always small and consisted of me, my mum and my nan. Looking back, they have always been magical, hilarious and full of love. 

I also envied the holidays abroad with large groups of family, but again mine were fun-filled when my mum, my nan and me bundled into a Cornish caravan in the town my grandad was evacuated to during World War 2.

With no siblings and no father figure whatsoever, my mum and I really are like two peas in a pod. We have the same sense of humour, can finish each other’s sentences, have the same taste in home decor and fashion, like the same music and love binge-watching Breaking Bad, Bates Motel and RuPaul’s Drag Race. 

As I grew up, Father’s Day was a time to celebrate my mum’s dad, Maurice Quirk. He passed away when I was just three, so my main memories of Father’s Day consist of me writing letters to laminate and leave at his grave in a small Cornish fishing village. I still visit whenever I can and often send letters down to be placed there. 

Other than that, it was never a day I marked on my calendar, until a couple of years ago when I was old enough to really realise that my mum had fulfilled both parental roles for the majority of my life. 

So, in 2019, I decided to celebrate her when the day arrived. Father’s Day is more about everything extra my mum has done for me – she hasn’t just carried out motherly duties, she’s been my dad too.

My mum is incredibly sentimental (like me) so, that June, I wrote her a long message on Facebook telling her how much I admire her and how grateful I am to have been raised by such a strong woman.  

I really regret not celebrating my mum on Father’s Day sooner – I wish I had always bought her a card and shown her my gratitude for all she has done for me.  

My mum is my entire family rolled into one person, and even more so since my maternal nan moved back to Cornwall to be closer to my grandad’s place of rest.

My nan is an incredibly strong and beautiful woman who also had a major role in my upbringing – helping my mum and I move around to find a good school and supporting me emotionally when I was bullied – I really miss her and will be sending her a heartfelt card this Father’s Day to show my appreciation for all she has done.  

I do not regret the fact that my dad’s estranged as it has enabled me to appreciate my mum’s strength a lot more. 

I have seen her struggle with money, relocating, grief and both mental and physical health, yet she still stands tall. She seems indestructible. In turn, her example gave me a sense of determination.  

My mum and I have been through a lot together – the deaths of my grandad and other family members, moving house 13 times in 23 years, facing homelessness but narrowly escaping it, and battling mental health issues – we both have anxiety and clinical depression, and we help each other through it together.

Seeing my mum come out the other side of all these challenges has spurred me on to be a good person, remain strong and to give her a better life too.  

Having only female role models in my life has really enabled me to be an independent and self-sufficient woman. I don’t rely on men for anything, I don’t deem them to be untrustworthy, and I look at them in an overall neutral light.  

I also don’t feel like I need to find a man or a partner because I’m not missing any male figures and don’t believe I need them in order to live a full and happy life. 

I now look at it as my dad being nothing but a sperm donor – giving me the gene that means I have olive-hued skin. This makes me feel empowered as I have now chosen to block him out, and not the other way around. 

I’m not saying that all dads are bad or that dads don’t deserve to be celebrated. I know just how amazing they can be – my mum’s dad, my cousin’s partner, my friend’s boyfriend – there are incredible dads out there, but my dad just wasn’t one of them. 

The thought of having children myself is unthinkable to me because of how well my mum brought me up – I doubt I could do a better job because she is simply the best, and I doubt I could have her patience or stamina.

Today, I’ll be thanking my mum with a handwritten note filled with gratitude and I will take her out for the day. As she is limited with what she can do due to her arthritis and anxiety, I am thinking of taking her to a pottery painting studio as she loves gentle crafts. It’s close to her birthday, so I will get us dinner and present her with a few gifts, flowers and perfume. 

For now, treating her like a queen for the day is all I can do and afford, but in the future, when I have a secure job and a stable salary I will give her so much more. I’d like to one day buy my mum a house – although I doubt either of us will ever live apart. But what I’d really like to be able to do is provide for her completely and give her anything she wants, because it’s the least she deserves.  

Single mums like mine need to be celebrated every day, but today’s just another reminder for me to make sure she knows how very special she is. 

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected]. 

Share your views in the comments below.

Source: Read Full Article