MANCHESTER CITY fans didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when Erling Haaland withdrew from the Norway squad this week.

The bionic man has apparently suffered a groin injury which prevents him from participating in his country’s World Cup qualifiers against Spain and Georgia.

Who knew that a cyborg could even feel pain?

But just like the Terminator, he will be back and don’t be surprised if he has made a miraculous recovery in time for City’s next game against Liverpool.

Because if they are going to hunt down league leaders Arsenal and also win their first Champions League, they are going to need Haaland firing on all cylinders.

It is hard to think of a player who has made a bigger debut season impact.

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We usually say that it takes foreign players a while to get used to the physicality of the English game.

But in Haaland’s case, it is the English game which is still catching its breath trying to come to terms with the Norwegian’s incredible power and pace.

Everyone knew that City were getting something special when they signed him from Borussia Dortmund for £51.4million last year.

But even in his wildest dreams, City boss Pep Guardiola could never have imagined that he would be this good

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With as many as 18 games still to play, it’s no exaggeration to say that Haaland could have 60 goals by the end of the season.

He has already scored 28 in the Premier League, ten in the Champions League, three in the FA Cup and one in the Carabao Cup for good measure.

And let’s not forget that he has also struck six times for Norway.
Yet he only just scrapes into the list of City’s top ten most expensive signings and has already more than tripled in value.

And even if you add the £34m City paid in agent and signing-on fees, he still only cost about the same as Manchester United paid for Brazilian show pony Antony last summer.

Real Madrid are already mumbling about launching a £200m bid for Haaland next year.

It’s hardly surprising they’re so desperate to get him on board after watching his Champions League efforts this season.

Croatian World Cup star Josko Gvardiol is supposed to be one of the toughest, most uncompromising central defenders in the game.

But he’d been reduced to a  gibbering wreck by the time  Haaland hammered in his fifth goal of the evening during last week’s 7-0 annihilation of RB Leipzig.

Imagine the havoc the Norwegian freak of nature could have wreaked if he hadn’t been subbed off with half an hour of the game still to go.

It was the same story on  Saturday when he was withdrawn on the hour after destroying  Burnley’s FA Cup dreams with his sixth hat-trick of the season.

Most worrying for all of City’s rivals is the fact Haaland is still only 22 and years from reaching his footballing prime.

He is going to destroy all kinds of Premier League records before his contract is due to expire in 2027 and he must also have designs on becoming the highest-scoring footballer of all time.

Even if Arsenal win the league this season, it will be difficult to argue the case for Bukayo Saka winning Footballer of the Year ahead of Haaland.

Although I’m sure plenty will try.

NO WAY JOSE

THE next time Marco Silva is interviewed, close your eyes and you’ll swear it’s Jose Mourinho speaking.

And it is not just the Portuguese accent that Fulham’s boss has in common with the self-appointed ‘Special One’.

It’s the same droopy bottom lip every time his team loses, the manic touchline behaviour, the constant berating of match officials and the paranoia that everyone has got it in for him.

In fact, Silva is morphing into Mourinho so quickly that it is soon going to be impossible to tell them both apart.

And when the manager is out of control, it’s only a matter of time before his players follow his lead.

So it’s hardly surprising star striker Aleksandar Mitrovic is now facing a lengthy ban for pushing referee Chris Kavanagh.

The volcanic Serbian international striker has made a career out of playing on the edge.

Anyone who saw him trying to spark another Balkan War during Serbia’s 3-2 World Cup defeat by  Switzerland will know just how volatile he can be.

The last thing he needs is a manager pushing his self-destruct buttons.

MOB'D OFF

REF Mohamed Farouk was indefinitely suspended for studying mobile phone footage before disallowing a goal during an Egyptian league clash between Al-Nasr and Suez.

In the absence of VAR, Farouk decided to scour the internet before then upholding Suez’s claims a handball had occurred in build-up to an Al-Nasr strike.

His improvised search delayed last week’s game by 15 minutes and he required police protection when he left the field at the final whistle.
But he was still more decisive than Lee Mason.

DON'T HOLD BACK

FROM borderline baldy, I see that Arsenal defender Rob Holding now needs an Alice band to control his luscious locks.

Wayne Rooney might want to ask the Gunners centre-back for the name of his trichologist.

Because I have genuinely never seen a better hair transplant.

MOVES LIKE ROY

HE has made more comebacks than the Rolling Stones and — just like Mick Jagger — he still can’t get no satisfaction.

Ten months after announcing his retirement from football, Roy Hodgson is returning to the Crystal Palace dugout for the 22nd coaching job of his career.

We all thought we had finally seen the last of him when he was unable to keep Watford in the Premier League last year.

But now he has been charged with a similar task by Palace and simply could not resist the temptation of one more last challenge.

Not far shy of his 76th birthday, Hodgson is already the oldest manager in Premier League history.

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Top-flight rivals Mikel Arteta, Eddie Howe, Marco Silva, Steve Cooper, Roberto De Zerbi, Gary O’Neil and Ruben Selles were not even born when Hodgson took his first coaching job with Halmstads in 1976.

Some people are addicted to booze, some to drugs and others to gambling. This former England boss is hooked on football and simply can’t face the idea of going cold turkey.

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