THINK you are the only woman who does not orgasm through regular sex? Think again.

Fewer than one in three of us regularly climax this way, with most of us requiring other types of stimulation to get us there.

But psychologist and sexologist Dania Schiftan says it is possible for ALL of us to achieve the Big O during penetrative sex — if we simply hone our skills.

Dr Schiftan says: “The most common myth is that women can come either vaginally or clitorally.

“Some are supposedly blessed with the ability to reach orgasm simply through penetration and others aren’t.

“Is it just chance? Luck? Anatomy? Is it mental? A matter of relaxation? Meaning: If you can’t let go, you won’t reach climax? Spoiler alert: it’s all nonsense.

“About 60 per cent of women don’t find penetration very sexually arousing.

“That’s a shame, because coming through vaginal stimulation can be highly enjoyable, and it can be learned.

“Orgasm isn’t a matter of good or bad luck, fate, or the right kind of relaxation, but rather of abilities that all women have, but some have yet to develop.”

In an exclusive extract from her first book, Coming Soon: Great Orgasms And Better Sex At Your Fingertips, Dania reveals the techniques to ensure you reach your peak.

KICK-START STIMULATION

No woman enters the world with her sexual response developed ­— you have to practice.

Your sex parts have many nerve endings. Some of them react to rubbing or stroking, some to pressure, and others to vibration.

When we touch a part of the body that is not used to stimulation, we might feel little, or we might even feel uncomfortable. The brain has not yet formed associations with this kind of touch.

The more connections the brain makes with an area of the body, the more responsive that area will become.

CHANGE YOUR TACK

Alter one detail when you pleasure yourself and observe how it feels. If you usually use fairly quick movements, or a lot of pressure, try to go slowly and more gently. Or try to change the amount of tension in your body or to vary the tempo.

Try moving around and tensing your muscles and then relaxing them.

When your arousal diminishes — as it probably will — return to your reliable pattern and use it to increase your arousal. Then start moving again — again, only a little at first.

With time, you will notice that your arousal lasts longer and you feel more and more. If you don’t orgasm, it’s OK. Repeat this exercise several times a week.

PRIME YOUR PELVIC FLOOR

When a woman tenses her pelvic floor, she’ll feel more during sex. And for some men it’s a nice experience when the vagina feels narrower.

However, if you tense all the time you will feel less. When you tense and release, you can help increase your arousal.

Playing with tensing and releasing also increases circulation, and therefore the sensitivity in the pelvis. And it ensures that the vagina is more lubricated during sex.

Several times a day, tense the muscles of your pelvic floor for three seconds, and then slowly release them. After the intense contraction, the relaxation will be deeper. This is, therefore, a reliable way to get your pelvic muscles to relax.

PUT THE TOYS DOWN

Using a vibrator is an efficient method for quickly triggering and increasing arousal. But penises can’t vibrate.

So if you only come to orgasm with a vibrator, it’s understandable that a penis doesn’t do much for you.

If you want to come to orgasm through your partner’s body, you should learn to come without a vibrator. But don’t just put your vibrator away — that will quickly lead to frustration.

Keep using it, but now and then, and turn it down to a slower vibration.

BECOME PORN AGAIN

Porn can be a source of arousal, but if it’s your main source, things will get difficult, since when you watch porn, your focus is outside your body, and you won’t be able to pay as much attention to what’s happening on the inside.

You can change your porn consumption step-by-step. First step: now and then, close your eyes.

Second step: turn the screen away for increasing periods of time. Third step: listen and concentrate increasingly on your body and your sensations.

GO BACKWARDS TO MOVE FORWARDS

Statistically, couples are much more active during sex at the beginning of a relationship. Moving more during sex can help you towards orgasm.

Swing yourself back and forth, move your pelvis in circles, stretch out, change positions, and vary the tempo — sometimes gentle, sometimes more intense.

Be aware that any changes might temporarily turn your sex life upside down. But with time you’ll feel more, and you’ll notice that your arousal and enjoyment reach a whole new level.

You’ll only know how great your sexual potential is when you see the difference.

PUT YOUR PLEASURE FIRST

The more you concentrate on your pleasure, the less important it becomes for your partner to move just so. And that frees him or her to concentrate on his or her own sensations.

Try not to ask yourself if your partner likes what you’re doing together. Instead, ask yourself if you like what you’re doing.

If you’re primarily concerned with doing what’s right and good for the other person, your ability to perceive your own sensations will be reduced. Concentrate on your body, or even on one specific part and how it feels.

TRY A SEXY TALK SANDWICH

Talking about sex is a matter of practice and the more you do it, the more you get used to it, and soon it might even become erotic and arousing for you.

Don’t tell your partner what you didn’t like right after sex. If you’re unsatisfied or frustrated, talk about it another time.

Pay attention to the way you phrase things. If you reproach your partner, he or she may feel attacked, and may attack back, or else withdraw.

Try something like: “I liked this and that. I’d also like it if . . .” or “Next time, should we try doing this more?” rather than “You did that wrong!”

The “compliment sandwich” is also helpful: First something positive, then criticism, and then again something positive to conclude.

MAKE OUT WITHOUT SEX

Over time, many people’s patterns generally grow narrower and more specific. They get lazy.

It’s important to get active again and to rediscover your partner’s body — even if you think you already know each other inside and out.

Don’t always shoot for the moon: Give each other massages without having sex afterwards. Have a long make-out session but don’t go any further.

Integrate more touching into your daily lives, and thus increase your desire for more.

Don’t expect a miracle. Passion doesn’t come back all on its own. But even little changes can make a big difference — getting up and going to greet your partner when she comes home instead of just calling out “Hello” from the kitchen, or giving your partner a real kiss.

DO IT WHEN YOU’RE P*SSED OFF

Some women say they can only have sex with their partners when everything’s just right.

Try to separate this connection between perfect harmony and desire.

Sexual desire can also happen when every detail hasn’t been worked out first.

See what happens if you hug each other when you both actually feel like the other person is being an idiot.

And finally, the most important advice: Be patient with each other.

• Coming Soon: Great Orgasms And Better Sex At Your Fingertips by Dania Schiftan (Greystone Books, £12.99) is published on February 11.

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