DEAR DEIDRE: TO the outside world, I have the perfect life. I enjoy my job, have a big house, nice cars and a happy family. But I can’t stop raking over my wife’s affair.

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She cheated on me three years ago with the husband of her best friend.

To start afresh, we sold the house, moved away and cut all ties with her former best friend and husband.

On the surface, we have fixed our marriage. But on the inside I’m a mess.

I am 38 and my wife is 36. We have two sons aged five and three. My parents went through a messy divorce when I was 16.

I witnessed violence, shouting and screaming and there were many police visits before they split up.

I was left to bring up my younger sister.

Mum acted like a reckless teenager with the man she cheated on my dad with. She was always going out, so I often had to feed my sister and put her to bed.

Ever since, I’ve had a history of depression.

I feel as though my marriage is following the same path as my parents’ and constantly question why my wife had an affair and how I could have prevented it.

I have forgiven her and our relationship is good. My kids are amazing, but my mind won’t let me forget.

I don’t feel I can bring it up as it will upset everyone involved but it is a lot fresher in my mind than my wife knows.

It’s been years but I keep this aspect of my mental health secret from her.

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She thinks I blame most of my depression on my parents’ divorce, but in reality it’s the months she had her affair I can’t let go of.

I feel my life would be so much better if I could just block out these thoughts.

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DEIDRE SAYS: It can feel beyond painful when you discover someone you love and trusted has cheated.

Betrayal can erode a relationship and building trust will take time.

See this as a sign you need to get to the bottom of your depression and resolve the underlying issues – your parents’ divorce and the repercussions.

Not speaking about it has probably felt like the best way to protect yourself, but as you’re finding, that comes at a price.

You can’t keep your feelings to yourself for ever so tell your wife the truth. She needs to know you haven’t come to terms with her affair.

I’ve been cheating on my boyfriend with my neighbour and now I’m pregnant