I've fallen for my best mate's ex – how can I get him to support this?

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE fallen for my best mate’s ex, but I’m worried that if anything happens between us, he’ll hate me.

My mate and I are 32, met at school and I trust him with my life.

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A few years ago, I lost my job. My best mate and his now ex let me stay with them for several months until I sorted myself out.

He was besotted with this girl, now 30, and told me he thought he’d marry her one day.

I didn’t say anything to him back then, but I never thought it would last.
Secretly, I felt she was much more suited to me.

Once, when I was living with them, I accidentally walked in on her in the shower.
She wasn’t upset I’d seen her nude — she thought it was funny.

After that, there was sexual tension between us. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fantasise about her when I was alone.

She was beautiful, sexy and a real laugh.

But I didn’t dream of making a move. You don’t do that to a really good mate.

After I moved out, I put her out of my mind. Then, last year, they split up.

My best mate was gutted. I helped him to get over her, and he’s now moved on and has started dating someone else.

However, last week, I was out with some other mates when I bumped into his ex in the pub. All the sexual tension between us flooded back.

She’s since sent a text inviting me to her flat for a coffee. I’m afraid if I go we’ll end up having sex.

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I don’t know what to do. If my best mate finds out, it might ruin our friendship.

But they’re not together, so would it be so wrong?

DEIDRE SAYS: Your best mate doesn’t own this woman. And both you and she are single and have every right to meet and/or have sex with whomever you like.

But, on the other hand, she isn’t just any girl. She’s your best mate’s ex.

They lived together and you say he thought he’d marry her one day. He was gutted when they split and you were the one who helped him to get over it all.

Your best mate thinks that you have his back. If you start seeing his ex, without talking to him first, he could lose his trust in you.

You could talk to him and gently test the waters before you make your decision.

But ultimately, you need to ask yourself if it’s worth risking a lifelong friendship for a sexual encounter, or do you see her as more than that?

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