TV legend Esther Rantzen has opened up about her illness – revealing why she was "relieved" when a lump in her armpit was diagnosed as lung cancer.
The BBC presenter was told she had stage four terminal cancer in January.
But Esther, 83, does not know how long she has left – and is waiting for a scan to find out.
Speaking on the Today programme's podcast, Esther said: "I didn’t think I would make it to my birthday.
"I definitely didn’t think I’d make it to this Christmas, which I am, it appears.
"Anything can happen. I live in a forest, a tree can fall on me.
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"I’ve got to drop off my perch for some reason, and I’m 83 damn it.
"I should be jolly grateful and indeed am."
Esther found a lump in her armpit after feeling tired throughout Christmas last year.
A biopsy in early January came back with a stage-four cancer diagnosis.
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Writing in The Times, Esther said: "My greatest dread — I suspect like everyone’s — was one of the gradually paralysing illnesses such as motor neurone disease.
"So when I had a lump in my armpit investigated and was told it was lung cancer that had spread, in a way I was relieved."
Writing in the Mail, Esther's daughter Rebecca Wilcox said: "At times in the past year, Mum's been more radioactive than Spider-Man.
"The fact she's still here this Christmas, and well enough to come and stay with me, perhaps even pull a cracker and don a sparkly sweater?
"Well, it's our very own Christmas miracle."
Rebecca revealed that she, her brother Joshua, and their sister Miriam plan to lavish Esther with presents this Christmas – as it could be her last.
Esther has signed up to assisted dying clinic Dignitas in case the scan comes back with bad news.
Founded in 1998, over 2,100 people have died with Dignitas' help, in assisted suicides at home or at the society's house near Zürich.
The Swiss society helps members with severe physical or mental illnesses, as well as the terminally ill, to end their own lives.
Both euthanasia and assisted suicide are illegal in the UK, with euthanasia carrying a maximum penalty of life in jail.
Esther said: "I have joined Dignitas.
"I have in my brain thought, 'Well, if the next scan says nothing’s working I might buzz off to Zurich'.
"But, you know, it puts my family and friends in a difficult position because they would want to go with me.
"And that means that the police might prosecute them.
"So we’ve got to do something. At the moment, it’s not really working, is it?
Speaking on Good Morning Britain, Rebecca said: "My mother never makes a decision in complete isolation but doesn't care what anyone else thinks.
"It's horrific and she always promised us she would live forever and she's not one to break her promises – but this is her choice.
"I would want to ground her plane if she was going to Zurich but it's her choice. She is absolutely correct.
"My late father didn't have a good death. It was horrific. His death replaced our memories of him for a very long time.
"That is what mum wants to avoid."
It has long been a topic of debate whether or not assisted dying should become legal in the UK.
Dame Esther's comments are likely to inspire renewed discussion of the UK's ban on it.
She added: "My family say it’s my decision and my choice.
"I explained to them that actually I don’t want their last memories of me to be painful.
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"If you watch someone you love having a bad death, that memory obliterates all the happy times.
"I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to be that sort of victim in their lives."
Spot the signs of lung cancer
Cancer Research UK lists 11 possible symptoms of lung cancer:
- A new cough or a cough most of the time
- Breathlessness
- Unexplained weight loss
- Ongoing chest infections
- Coughing up blood
- A hoarse voice
- Difficulty swallowing
- Changes in the shape of your fingers and nails called finger clubbing
- Swelling of the face caused by a blockage of a main blood vessel (superior vena cava obstruction)
- A loss of appetite
- Tiredness and weakness
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